quarrel with your husband It's inevitable that even in the strongest relationships it happens. Imagine this: It's been a long day of housework, cleaning, cooking, and running after your active little one. When you ask your husband Help with a thing or two around the house, but you realize later that he hasn't done it yet.
Do you feel a familiar frustration rising inside you? Do you find yourself thinking, “How many times have I asked him to do this? Why does he always forget?” Or maybe you think that your husband He doesn't care enough to help, or seems too busy all the time.
These feelings lead to another fight about the same old things. In the process, old wounds are sometimes reopened, past grievances linger, and eventually one of you gives in, apologizes (maybe not even sincerely), and the argument ends…until your spouse forgets or you do something, and the whole cycle of fighting repeats itself.
Does fighting destroy marriage?
You may wish you never had to fight with your beloved husband! It's perfectly normal to wonder if you're fighting too much, or what that says about your marriage and relationship with the person you love. "Do other couples fight like we do?" Of course. And here's the thing:
Consultants say marriage Coaches say that couples fight because they're invested in the marriage. Simply put, it means you fight because you care! One clinical psychologist even said that couples who don't have any conflict are more likely to break up, because it suggests at least one partner is uninvested or indifferent to the marriage.
Furthermore, fights are largely unavoidable. Whether you share very similar or very different traits and outlooks on life, a fight or argument is bound to arise from time to time. But, how can you prevent fights from taking an ugly turn, or even get through them in the first place? Let's find out! First, let's take a look at how to try to avoid having a big fight at all.
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1. When arguing with your husband, do not ignore or avoid your feelings (anger, annoyance, etc.).
If your spouse does something that upsets, frustrates, or makes you a little angry, don't push your feelings aside. In most cases, these feelings will remain unresolved and may surface at the wrong time, leading to a major, unnecessary fight. It's better to talk about your feelings when you're feeling them, so they can be addressed, appeased, and let go.
2. When arguing with your husband, you should talk first and then argue later.
This simply means talking about your hurt feelings first, rather than starting with an angry tone about how your husband forgot to do what he was supposed to do. Start with the phrase, "I feel..." and address your feelings before they turn into anger. Often, this will avoid a fight!
3. When you quarrel with your husband, you must set some rules for the quarrel.
You should be able to sit down with your husband and set some boundaries or rules to follow when you argue. Some of these rules could be:
- Do not shout to start a fight.
- not remembering past grievances
- Avoid arguments before bedtime or early in the morning.
These boundaries will help keep anger and words in check, thus avoiding hurting the other person and escalating into an argument. It's much easier to resolve an argument when you speak calmly and don't use hurtful words as a weapon.
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When arguing with your husband, do not participate in the argument.
Sometimes, your husband may look to fight with you to release some tension or pent-up emotions. While this is a natural response to buried feelings, try your best not to engage in it. Don't respond with anger, loudness, or harsh words.
Instead, try to talk to your husband calmly, so that he can talk about his feelings, which can then be relaxed or resolved in a peaceful manner.
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When arguing with your husband, stick only to the subject of the argument.
In other words, do your best not to bring up issues or grievances that have already been discussed. If you're already arguing, this will only add fuel to the fire, and it will be more difficult to calm down or stop the fight from escalating.
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Now, let's look at how to fight with your husband fairly, if a fight is unavoidable.
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Don't use absolute words like "always" and "never." Here's why:
Because it's not true. Yes, it's very easy to say things like, "You never pick up your clothes!" or "You always leave the dish out of the sink." But if you stop to think about it for a minute, you'll find that this isn't true. Sure, he probably does it most of the time.
But if you use these two words too often, your husband will start to feel like you can't remember the times he did the right thing. This will make him defensive, and the argument may become more difficult to resolve. Which brings us to the next point...
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Focus on behavior, not personality.
Okay, so your husband leaves his clothes lying on the bed or floor. Yes, it can get very frustrating. This is where you think, “He always does this!” That’s when your husband starts defending his actions. This is because they feel like you might be talking about their personality, as opposed to his behavior or habit.
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Take a break
This is especially helpful if you're having a big, bad fight with your husband. In the heat of the moment, it's entirely possible to veer off course and say some hurtful things that you don't really mean. If you feel something boiling over and exploding inside, don't hesitate to take a break. Step away from the fight, anywhere from 30 seconds to 10 minutes, and you'll find that feeling fades as quickly as it passed.
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It's okay to go to bed when you feel angry.
Yes, this is unusual. The only advice you've probably been given is not to go to bed angry with your husband! And while that's fine too, many marriage counselors say it can be just as beneficial to do the opposite. Because that way, you'll get a break from the fighting.
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What can you do when nothing else seems to work when you're arguing with your husband?
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Reconnect with a simple touch
During a fight, when all the tips and tactics don't seem to work, all you need to do is hold each other and make physical contact. Holding his hand or hugging him can do wonders in breaking up a fight. Or, at the very least, it will calm you enough to resolve the situation through peaceful discussion.
You can also, when you're angry with your partner, hold each other for 30 seconds and breathe deeply. Experts say this helps release any tension you're experiencing, so you can resolve the issue calmly.
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Remember you are on the same team
Best for last. We're sure you know this, but it's important to keep reminding yourself every time you see your spouse's clothes on the floor or a dirty plate on the counter—it's not you versus your spouse, it's you + your spouse versus the problem.
Instead of berating your partner, using negative language, or feeling defensive or angry, remember that you have chosen to live with this person. You must accept all of their habits, both good and bad, and these bad habits can be changed.
To know more details, you can watch the following video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krS5wHnRRCQ
Article source: This Mini Guide Will Help You Avoid Bad Fights with Your Spouse!
Video source: 10 Deadly Mistakes Wives Make When Arguing with Their Husbands
